World's Best Pizza Sauce

I am a bit of a pizza addict. 
I think of it as a food group and try to treat it as such by eating as much of it as I can, as often as I can.  And I prefer to make my own pizza because I am A) Cheap, and B) It tastes soooo much better than anything given to you by a guy in a Nissan Sentra. 

Pizza Sauce is KEY!
Although I intend to turn every single one of my favorite foods into a pizza over the course of the next year, everyone has a go-to pizza.  Mine is Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza, which is an offshoot of the Chicken Bacon Ranch Ciabatta Bread sammies my husband loves so much (the recipe for ciabatta and the sammy will follow soon).  But the reason it's my go-to pizza is because I have spent years failing to make a decent red pizza sauce and so my classic pepperoni pizza...well,... it sucked. A lot.
UNTIL LAST NIGHT, YO!!!
Oh My LANTA!  

This pizza sauce was sooo good!
Perfectly sweet and salty, with just the right savory herb flavor.  And the perfect consistency, something I could never get right before.  This Pizza Sauce is simply perfect in every way. 
SO, here it is.  My recipe for THE: 

• 1 6 oz Can of Tomato Paste 
• 6 oz Water 
• 2 ounces freshly grated Parmesan cheese (this is a to taste kind of thing...I like a lot!)
•  1/2 tsp Granulated Garlic
• 1 TBSP Sugar
• Pinch of Salt
• 1/2 tsp. Dried Oregano
• 1/2 tsp. Dried Basil
• 1/2 tsp. Dried Marjoram (this is key)
• Pinch of Red Pepper Flakes
• Ground Black Pepper (to taste)

Mix it all up and let it sit at room temperature for at least half hour so the flavors combine.  Then slather it all on my Perfect Pizza Dough, and top with nummy meats and veggies and Voila!  Perfect Pizza! 

So, now that we all have an equally good chance of making the world's best pepperoni pizza, what's your favorite non-traditional pizza flavor combo?   My next experiment is going to be Paella Pizza, but I'd love some off-the-beaten trail recommendations from you too!

10 Best Ridiculously Awesome Mac and Cheese Recipes Ever

It has been cold and rainy and generally blech for the last week here in the heart of Indiana, and although the grey skies are quite the downer, the leaves are quickly turning colors and I simply love that!  My backyard is filled with trees and let me tell you, there is no more perfect way to welcome fall than by gazing at the magnificent reds, and golds, and striking oranges that surprise me each morning over a cup of coffee.  From the couch.  In my house.  Because it is freaking chilly outside. 
But I love fall.  Because football and sweaters, beautiful colors and crisp air.  Because of apples and richly scented candles that are out of place in the warmer months.  And most of all, because: 

Comfort Foods!! 

 Oh how I've missed you big pots of chili and stews, casseroles and bakes, cheesey, gooey, hearty awesomeness that disappear six months of the year.  Seriously.  I get giddy.  

One of my absolute favorite comfort foods is mac and cheese.  Saddle it up with pizza (my all-time-favorite-go-to-food group), I could eat it at every meal of everyday during the sweater months (after that, it's kabobs and salads because, you know, mac and cheese tends to contribute to my perception of having a tank ass, so I shelve it for the summer).  But Yay!!  It's Fall!!!  Bring on the Mac and Cheesy Deliciousness!!! 

So without further ado, I present:

 (In no particular order because they are all ridiculously good)

1)  Cajun Mac and Cheese with Andouille Sausage and Shrimp (The Kichenista Diaries)

2)  Chorizo and Peper Jack Mac and Cheese (Laura in the Kitchen)

3)  Ham and Cheese Mac Casserole (Allrecipes)

4)  Classic Creamy American Mac and Cheese (Allrecipes)

5)  Roasted Garlic Mac and Cheese (Just a Taste)

6)  Chipotle Mac and Cheese with Bacon (Domesticate Me)

7)  Lobster Mac and Cheese (The Posh Pescatarian) 

8)  Cheesy Chili Mac (Tracey's Culinary Adventures)

9)  THE Mac and Cheese (That Which Nourishes)

10) Pesto Mac and Cheese (Amuse Your Bouche)

OMG!  I am so freaking hungry right now for these seriously stellar Mac and Cheese recipes.  All of them... get in my belly!  Yet Mini Monkey is asking to go to the gym (NOOO!!!  This is a bad sign for my Mac Attack).  Maybe I'll hit the treadmill after some of this Roasted Garlic Mac.  Maybe.   What is your favorite Mac and Cheese recipe of all time?  I'd love to hear! 

Free Stuff: Google Nexus 7 Tablet

Hello lovelies!    Oh, My, LANTA!!

What an awesome giveaway!  Who doesn't want a new tablet?  

FOR FREE, Ya'll!!!  

This giveaway is sponsored by the Magixflix Safe Kids Video App which creates a safer environment for your kiddos to watch content from all over the internet.  My 3 year old loves YouTube... and I have no idea how he finds all the dinosaur videos he finds since he can't spell.  But kids are crafty wizards, and because of that, we should all be a little concerned about the content of their internet experience.  This app helps combat that worry that by providing content that is age appropriate and filtering out the stuff that is not.  So check out the app, and enter to win a new tablet!!  And tell your friends!

Only one entry per person, minimum age for entry is 20, Entry must come from the US, the winner has to respond within 30 days with a shipping address in the US.

Liar, Liar, Eyes Look Like a Tire Fire

Used Under Creative Commons License

So I've been lost.  Totally, and completely mentally lost.  And when that happens, for some reason I come here.   I like to make people laugh, even at my own expense. But I don't get paid for it, and that just plain pisses me off.  I've thought about starting a YouTube channel where I will attempt to give make-up tutorials based on YouTube make-up tutorials.  See... no matter how good the directions are, when I do my eye makeup (especially when I try to do fancy make-up using instructions from a gorgeous make-up pro) I end up looking like a cross between a large breasted dude who has just begun to dip his toes in the tranny pool and a Kardashian who has fallen off the wagon into a pool of whiskey and bad decisions.  So, I think it could be epic good fun.

Anyhoo... Feeling utterly lost and confused, I popped in to this blog, eyes half-covered ready for someone to spit at me.  But all I got was a post from over a year ago titled "I'm Back, Yo" (Hahaha... I lied ;)  And coincidentally (or is it ironic) this blog was started 1 year and 364 days ago today! Hmmm.... so, two years ago almost to the day I had initiative.  I thought "if you write it, they will come" (or at least stop by accidentally and hopefully snicker or giggle a little.  For a minute).  I was full of anticipation of baby #3, hilarious antics from baby #2 and kid #1, and drive to make this blog into something.  Or to at least score some free swag (I HATE THAT WORD, BTW. But if you have some, gimme gimme gimme!!).  And speaking of free stuff... check out the fabulous giveaway from Citrus Lane here!  Digression complete....

And then shit got real.  Financial troubles, instability, unscrupulous influences, and a new baby.  By May of 2013, I felt completely defeated.  My business was failing because I couldn't devote 60 hours a week to my clients, and I felt like I was failing at being a mom of three gorgeous boys because I was spending too much time with my clients.  And I was definitely failing at being a good wife.  A sleep-deprived, malnourished, aggravated raccoon with a penchant for pinot grigio... I had that down to a science.  But being a good, loving, supportive wife and mom... not so much.  Shit had to change.

So I made the difficult decision to close my business and focus on the family.  That was only made possible by the promise that my husband would actually get paid what his contract said he would get paid (which, let me tell you, unless you can afford a decent attorney, means less than the napkin it is written on).  And at first it was pure bliss.  I spent two weeks decompressing and slinking into my new role as SAHM.  YAHOO!!!  Stay At Home MOMMY!!  Bon-bons and day drinking and cooking elaborate meals using gastomolecular techniques that would eventually lead to a multi-year contract with the Food Network.  I would teach my kids french and Spanish, and have them engineer their own tree house out of recycled pallets from blueprints found on Pinterest.  They would learn to crochet and dance and chop wood. And perhaps even grow mustaches by the year's end.   I had big dreams and I was STOKED!! WHOOT WHOOT!!!  I'm a stay-at-home-mommy, I'm-a-stay-at-home-mommy (to the nah nah nah nah boo boo tune)!!

But, wouldn't you know that shit isn't all sunshine and rainbows and kegerators filled with wine?  I feel kind of worthless.  In a very material sense.  See, before I contributed financially and now I simply spend.  And I know my job as a mom and wife is a big one, and I have no idea how we would keep it together if I worked outside the home, especially since any back-alley butcher-shop willing to hire my crazy ass would likely pay in sides of beef, which the Kindercare will not take as remuneration for their daycare services (their "Company Policy" or whatever).  I wipe butts and clean, and play and clean more (although you wouldn't know it since this place looks like a rat's nest and smells like curdled milk tastes), and laundry (oh, laaauuud... the LAUNDRY is INCESSANT), and I cook (sometimes 10 different meal preparations a day... these people are spoiled), and then there is the coloring, the painting, the singing and dancing, and grocery shopping (NOOOO!!!  Please don't make me take the children!!!  PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy and good!!!), the scolding, the homework help, the brawl-break-ups, the bedtime stories....  And I am also the psych department, the infirmary, the sex kitten, and the fantasy football brah.  By choosing to be a SAHM I chose to devote myself entirely to my family. ENTIRELY.  And yet, I still feel materially worthless, like I contribute nothing because I don't deposit a paycheck.  And feeling like that pisses me off. Have you ever wanted to slap the shit out of yourself?  Yes.  That.

So today, 1 year and 364 days after jumping into the blogosphere and eventually climbing out soaking wet without a towel in a poopy-colored swimming suit with a full-coverage ass and soggy pancake boobs, I am recommitting myself to Three Monkeys and a Martini.  Because it is mine.  It is entirely for me.  And it may not pay me (although, I am totally for that happening), but at least it can maybe, hopefully, even just a smidge fill in this very real void I feel.  It may be selfish, and I may seem ungrateful, poor pitiful me, and whatnot.  And if you believe that, poopy-colored swimsuits to you.  I don't give a damn.  Because this is for me.  And I deserve it.

So, with that, I will say, I'm REALLY Back, Yo!  And I have no idea what direction this is going to go.  I'm not sure what I want this blog to be anymore.  But I do know that I will figure that out.  And I will do it with horrifically bad contouring make-up, leopard print slippers, a push-up bra, and wine in a coffee-cup.  Because I'm already home, so I can go big if I wanna.