Guns and Drugs; a Typical Day in Kindergarten

Courtesy of Funny Picture Pie

Silly Monkey came home from school yesterday with the usual answers to the "what did you do today" question,  "I played, I ate lunch, and we learned about uppercase poo-poo".  'Poo-poo', in case you didn't know, is sort of like the five-year-old's 'bling-bling'.  You can say it pretty much with reckless abandon and everyone will think you are infinitely cooler for it.

But a couple hours later he shouted from the door of his room, "Hey mom! I know what you do when you see a gun." Oh lord, where is this going?  Did you pretend to shoot one of your classmates?  Did one of your classmates threaten you?  Did a gun accidentally fall out of your teacher's purse, along with her Percosets and whiskey?  I knew we should have called them 'water shooters' instead of squirt guns, like the good moms we know who are afraid to be friends with me. As if some of my spastic, recklessness will wipe off on them and their perfect Nat Geo watching angels.  I digress...

"First, you don't touch it! Then you run as fast as you can and tell a grown-up or teacher."  Hmmm... gun safety, already?  My mind quickly went to the obvious, "Did the police come to your school today"?  Not something I expected to say to my Kindergartner, but something I guess I should be prepared for at any age.  It could be worse, his teacher could be asking him if the police came to his house yesterday.

"Yep, he was our special guest.  But we didn't get much time with our reading buddies because he was late".  Typical. "And he told us you never put bugs in your mouth, and you never put hair in your mouth, and you never put eyeballs in your mouth.  And you never put grass or leaves in your mouth.  All those can make you sick".  I guess that is one way to get the 'say no to drugs' conversation started.  Personally I think my way is more effective: "See this little brown bottle?  DON'T EVER TOUCH IT!  YOU'RE HEART WILL MELT AND YOU WILL EXPLODE!!!"