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Report Card: FAIL

Mr. Martini and I don't often discuss my son's school... I mean really examine the quality of the education he is receiving there.  Let's be honest, who has time for that?  I'm not a PTO mom; they have those meetings at noon and I'm lucky to have slapped on a bra by then. I'm not one of these "advisor-types" who constantly have to give their two cents.  I figure the 14 year old that is teaching my son must be qualified, right?  I ask Silly Monkey everyday 'What did you do in school today?" He answers, I poke a little, and we're good.  That was until last night. 

I received an automated phone call alerting me that report cards were in backpacks.  I was a ball of excitement and anticipation.  Well, actually, I was a little nervous since my boy has demonstrated an uncanny ability to focus on anything except for the task at hand.  I was eager to see whether or not he was excelling in his new Kindergarten environment.  Or at least not sinking like a fish.   I was, I presume, going through the ball of emotions that most parents go through before checking semester grades.  And I admit, I was a little excited to see if we would have an excuse for an early bedtime.

In sum, I was very pleased!! Silly Monkey was paying attention, participating, and has shown significant improvement in all areas of what is deemed important by a board of parents who clearly take this stuff more seriously than I do. However my sense of pride quickly dissipated when I took a good look at the stuff that makes up my son's permanent record.

report card: FAIL
Now, I'm not stupid, but I was a little confused.  What the hell is "RIMES"? Are these people that lazy that they can't proof-read the frickin official document that goes into my Silly Monkey's permanent record?  Or is 'rime' like the new 'thru'?  An acceptable substitute for the official word?  I started to question my own hipness, and intelligence... like, what if I didn't even know rime is the new rhyme?   So I googled it.  And I am pretty sure that rhyme is in fact still the accepted spelling.  Which can only mean one thing.  'Rime' must mean something else entirely.  And it does!
Apparently my son can create a hard ice covering on single syllable spoken words.  Ice, out of thin air!    That is frickin amazing!!!  There is way more for me to be excited about than his ability to count by fives, or to sound out simple words.  No... my son is apparently on his way to being a real life Harry Frickin Potter!  I could not be more thrilled!  Thank you school for revealing talents we didn't even know we should be looking out for!  I can't wait to find out what they'll be learning next.  I hope it's horcruxes.  This evil genius wants to live forever!  


  1. The challenge, for me, when these things happen is how to deal with them. We had a memo for parents about spelling tests that thanked us for our "patients". How do you politely bring that to a teachers attention so they can change it for the next year without looking like "that" parent?

  2. Ha ha ha! So I am NOT alone! No one wants to be "that" parent, so no one says anything, and then this poor soul looks like an idiot year after year. Personally, I would rather experience the momentary slight embarrasment of having someone point out my mistake, which could quickly be corrected and forgotten about, than to find out eons later I had spinach stuck in my teeth the whole time. I guess it all depends on your relationship with the teacher.

    I am a fan of sending things back with my kid with highlighted excerpts. She can't get embarrassed because it was done via a 5 year old mediary who doesn't know the difference anyway, and I save her from the wrath of "that" parent. Of course, my husband is mortified by this, but if a girl's skirt is stuck in her pantyhose, girl code says you point it out so she doesn't walk down the hall like that. It's just the right thing to do. Unless that girl is the popular girl. Then F her.
    Thanks for reading Shane :)

  3. So, Silly Monkey has a Super Power!! Good to know.
    As for the irony-laden report card--chances are very good that the teacher had no input on its composition, so she's unlikely to be embarrassed. In fact, she might be able to nanny-nanny-boo-boo at whoever DID let this slip past (really, does no on proofread any more?)

    1. It's the second indication that he is a warlock. Remember the hearing test we made him get because he never listens and rather than realizing he is a child, we thought something was wrong? Turned out his hearing is so sensitive he hears tones and sounds that most humans can't hear. Yep...I'm afraid of this one.

  4. I thought it must have something to do with Rime of the Ancient Mariner....a book report I failed to write in school. Anyway, I enjoyed your blog and am now craving a dirty martini at 2:30 p.m. Stop on by, if you have a chance. Sadly, my kids did't even get a rime reference on their report cards.

    1. I didn't even think of that... but then again, the only Rime of the Ancient Mariner I am familiar with is a song done by Iron Maiden. :) So maybe it is an Olde English term? Which explains why it's be used on a report card for a Kindergartner. It's all starting to make sense. Not.
      And Martini's at 2pm... why the hell not? Your liver says "YOLO". And you should agree! (YOLO is my new favorite idiotic hip phrase. I hope it lasts long enough for me to use it in a public situation. Extra points if I can bust it out at my husband's company Christmas party).
      I'll definitely check out sanitywaitingtohappen. Thanks for stopping by!!

  5. I'm a teacher and appalled, as always, when a teacher/school makes such a glaring error. I say send it back with a post it explaining that there's a spelling error. It's their job to fix it, whether they are embarrassed about it or not! I get so upset with incorrect spelling and grammar. We had a principal that was notorious for sending out newsletters that just had so many grammar mistakes, it was just foolish. But no one ever sent them back and she didn't listen to us when we told her. Send it in!!

    1. The only thing is, I am fairly certain this is state issued. We have this thing called ISTEP which, in my understanding, sets the bar for what needs to be taught and what needs to be learned statewide. So even if I sent it back, I doubt anyone would give a hoot. But maybe if I point it out to his teacher, (who I think is the bees knees... she is a fabulous teacher) she can white-it out on all her student's cards and write in the correct word. Seems silly, but I can't be the only one wondering "wtf"?
      Thanks for stopping Sparkling! I always love to get your comments!


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