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Buttery Goodness Gotchya Feelin' Sick? DUH!!!

Okay, I am not one who will sit and judge another's choice about what to feed their kid.  I screwed up Silly Monkey when it comes to food stuffs, there is no doubt.  I was so afraid to feed him solid foods because I thought he would choke, that by the time he started actually eating, he latched on to chicken nuggets (now chicken in finger form prepared by mom is acceptable) and would not, under any circumstances try anything new.  Take away toys, go to be without dinner, reward, punishment... the list goes on, and the stress was unbearable.  Eat your damn pink sludge formed into dinosaur shapes.  What the hell.  I give up.  But we have not made the same mistake with mini-monkey (thankfully).  

I do try to be cognizant of what is going into our mouths.  We don't use artificial sweeteners because I am afraid they will turn into their toxic component parts during digestion and embalm my family just as they are enjoying that low-calorie ice cream.  We don't eat food out of a box. Okay, the kids do sometimes, but they're kids and who cares?  They have years to make up for the bad choices I have made on their behalf.  Mr. Martini and I could be so lucky. We've got 10, maybe 15 years until our livers quit, screaming "YOLO!!" as they shrivel into tiny gourds of what was once healthy living tissue.  But I know that.  I am aware I make bad choices when I make them.  I make them anyway, but I know it.  I am in control.

And then there Wayne Watson,  who wins $7.2 million dollars because (gasp!) he got sick after eating crap for 15 years.

Wayne Watson, demonstrating for the jury how he'd stuff his face into a bag of popcorn every 3 hours

"Popcorn Lung" is an obstructive lung disease that makes it difficult for air to flow out of the lungs and is irreversible, according to WebMD.  Hey, here's a thought... maybe, sitting on your badonka donk everyday consuming 3 bags of fat-flavored popcorn for 15 years squished your lungs into tiny grapes that struggle for blessed oxygen.  I'm no doctor, but I can pretty much say with authority that if I ate 3 bags of chips, snicker bars, ho ho's or what have you everyday for 15 years, my breathing would get obstructed too.  Unless of course I ran marathons for a living.  It is not butter flavoring that made you sick, dumbass.  It's just that you're a dumbass, dumbass.  A dumbass who is as rich as the wind is nippy because a group of twelve other dumbasses decided to fight the power and stick it to the snack-food man.

Now I get that there is some cause for concern regarding diacetyl, the chemical at the heart of this craziness.  And it seriously makes me consider if I should stop giving Silly Monkey 3 bags of popcorn a day.  But to reward a guy with such an incredible lack of judgment or concern about his own health that he would stuff his face with chemicals all day, everyday, for 5,475 days is repulsive.  He should be required to spread the word about poor decision-making to children across the country. "See kids, I'm rich bitch, but I'm dying 'cause I didn't eat my vegetables". 

I am totally going to sue Jack Daniels.

So what do you think?  Do you think justice was served in this case?  Was his argument legitimate?  I want to hear your thoughts!


  1. I am so happy to hear that someone else gets the whole picky eater thing. Actually, my daughter isn't SO bad. But she isn't overly adventurous, and I have just started to make the same 3 meals everyday as it makes things more bearable. :) But from what I hear, this is totally normal, so I try not to stress...

    Love your blog!!!

    1. Hi Dani! Ugh, he is SO picky. Thankfully he eats about 3 pints of berries, yogurt and cottage cheese to balance out the nuggets and fries, but he wouldn't even try his birthday cake until he turned 4. And then it was only so he could get the batman toy on top. I guess that is a good thing though.

      But it is stressful for parents who feel like they just screwed up, especially when everyone tells them "make him eat it... they won't starve", which is total BS... he would rather starve. I figure anything new (trying peach yogurt instead of strawberry) is a tiny victory. And I guess, as long as he's healthy I shouldn't worry too much.
      Thanks for sharing! It's nice to know I'm not the only one ;)

  2. Oh you are NOT the only one, believe me! The list of things my son would eat used to be counted on one hand. Why? Because when he was about two years old and we were trying to introduce new foods, if he didn't like what he was eating he would throw it up! Didn't matter where we were - restaurant, friend's house, you name it. Barf. So we had to scale back on the new foods. As he got older we introduced the "one bite" rule - he has to try at least one bite of things we make and if he truly doesn't like it, we don't force him to eat it. He has discovered many other foods this way. We had been spoiled because his older sister would eat anything. Literally, anything (except seafood) and still does, so we thought all kids came that way! HAH! Suckers.
    Don't stress about it. The doctors told me over and over that as long as he is healthy, and he is, it just doesn't matter. The body will take what it needs from what it gets.
    Now, I just discovered your blog today and I am bookmarking it because you make me laugh and you swear a lot, just like me!!

  3. Hi Soni! Glad you stopped by! Silly Monkey does that too... the puke thing. I swear, the drama! I have no idea (super sarcastic tone) where he got THAT from. Our youngest is the same as your daughter... game for anything. You even mention pizza to the older one and he literally screams and runs away. He'll get over it. And I guess, giving your pizza away at school pizza parties is a surefire way to make friends. So, it could be worse ;)

    And thanks for the bookmark! There is a whole lotta crazy coming out over here, and I hope it makes you chuckle. I was born with the mouth of a sailor, and it works for me. I hope to hear back from you soon and often!!


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