WTF Friday: Episode 1

 Today marks the birth of what will heretofore be affectionately known as “What the Fuck, Friday”.

 

So last night, Mr. Martini and I were astounded when the last hurdle to selling our home was cleared.  We passed inspection, finalized all negotiations, and well, sold our house.  Yippee! Hooray!!  On these rare happy occasions when everything seems to be going our way I typically don’t like to screw it up by cooking, so I thought I might scrounge up enough duckets from Silly Monkeys piggy bank to order out.   And hey, I found a discount code for a free pizza from a big chain we never order from.  Score!   So far, so good.  Everyone had a great feast and we set-up a make-shift bed in the living room and all settled in to watch ET. It was almost Rockwellian.  I should have been suspicious about what fate had in store for me…

Enter 3am.  Mini Monkey decides it is time to get up, and he is pissed!  So, I waddle in his room, change the dipe, fix a bottle and try to get him to settle down cuddling on the couch.  And then it happens. The undeniable, unmistakable rumble of gastrointestinal doom.  And this baby fierce.  So I launch myself-- Monkey in hand--off the couch and deliver him sweetly into his crib as I fight the urge to open the diaper pail and take a seat right there.  I run to the bathroom and proceed to unleash the monster.  Now here is where it gets awful.  See, at our house Tuesday’s are ‘Last Box of Kleenex Tuesday’, and Wednesday is ‘Last Roll of Paper Towel Wednesday’, and as luck would have it, Thursday happens to be ‘Last Roll of Toilet Paper Thursday’.  So of course, it only makes sense that Friday happens to be ‘Explosive Diarrhea Friday’.  WTF???