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It Was The Best of Times, It Was The End of Times...

So it has been a year since I last wrote.  Well, at least the year has changed.  There has been so much going on in the Monkey House, I just haven't had a chance to catch-up.  But fear not, I'll eventually get back into the swing of things. I got an email from my mother yesterday that said simply,
" I MISS THE MONKEYS!!!".  I get it.  I'm a slacker.  Thanks Ma.

So first on the list this year is the Secret Subject Swap.  Then announcement and prize awarding for the Christmas Tree contest (No I didn't forget... and my tree is still up, so it's not too late, right?).  But lets get this new year of blogging started with my Secret Subject Swap prompt sent by Mommy Unmuted, a funny gal you should definitely check out.  She's unmuted Yo'!  And while you're at it, grab a cup of coffee (or wine, or vodka depending on how your kids are behaving) and check out Baking in a Tornado, the humorista who runs this shin-dig.  And upon blog stalking her, you'll find links to all the other laughable ladies who participate.  They will brighten your day with a well deserved shot of snark and laughter. 

So my prompt is: If the world had ended on 12/21/12, what one thing would you wish you had done differently?  

In all honesty, I was a little concerned about the world ending.  I mean, I've already lived through like 5 "end-of-days" already, so this one had a pretty high probability of actually happening, right?  And the Mayans were pretty smart, even if the people who "translated" the meaning of their calendar weren't (it didn't end stupid, it recycles n' stuff).  I even woke up early with the intent of being awake at 6am (or whenever it was).  You know, I wanted to see the sky explode or whatever.  But I feel asleep, and shockingly woke up after doomsday.  Huh?  Well, so much for my plans to live in a bunker.  And not showering that day.  Oh who are we kidding?  I didn't shower anyway.

But if the world had ended, I guess I would be kind of pissed that I wasted my time waiting for it to happen.  I mean, I really should have spent those last days drinking champagne and betting on black in Vegas rather than making homemade Kindergarten-teacher presents and cleaning toilets in preparation for my own little end of the world (i.e. family visiting for two whole weeks).   So mainly, I wish I wouldn't have spent the end of days cleaning toilets.

The moment of truth would have also left me wondering why I had spent so much time working, saving, struggling (I mean, I sacrificed having pants all year in an effort to better my family), and generally spending time not drinking champagne and eating bon bons.  I mean, we paid off a shit load of debt, but who cares?  We all are going to die in a fiery pit of doom and despair.  It is times like those that you realize a nice pair of pants would probably be worth the expense.  And a sparkly sweater.  Like one a Real Housewife from Miami wears to the gym.  Damn.  Oh well... I can buy one now.  But won't because then I'd have to go to the gym.  Baawwaahaaahaa!!  That's hilarious!!!  And even less likely to happen than doomsday.

I would also have regretted not taking the time to become more fluent in Spanish.  I mean, if we're talking apocalypse, anything can happen right?  So maybe some Mayans would come back to life and rule over the rest of us like dictators.  I'd like the chance to get in good with the dark overlords, just in case.  But no... I spent my time in Spanish class learning how to say "Where is the bathroom?" and "The cheese is good".  I did once haggle my way through a transaction with a street vendor in Cabo San Lucas, but I think they just got bored with humoring my lousy Spanish and my arrogant white-girl-tourist attempt to haggle in their native tongue.  So, yeah.  I didn't do much to ensure my survival if in fact Mayans came back to put the smack down on all of us.  In retrospect, I totally would have rectified that.

Lastly, I think I would have spent more time trying to fully understand the ins and outs of Quantum Theory.  Why, you ask?  Well, so I could build a time machine, duh.  What other sure-fire way could I ensure my survival?  Oh yeah.  I guess just waking up did the trick.  Well, shit.  Where's the champagne anyway?  Mommy's got some catching up to do. 


  1. Got room for one more in the time machine? I'll bring the Champagne!

  2. Yay! The Monkeys are back! Well, I DID spend a lot of time drinking champagne; maybe that's why we survived the Doompocalypse. I regret spending too much precious near-doom time picking fights and worrying about my weight. I am not thin. Or tall. So this year, my New Year's resolution is to stop worrying about my weight. I will just concentrate on getting taller.

  3. Glad to see you are back! Love reading your stories.

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