It's a Hawaiian Delicacy!

Photo graciously lifted off the net from here.

During the time I was a missing person in the blogosphere, I'm proud to say I have developed quite a following.  Of spammers.  Particularly ones that own websites about payday loans.  Not sure why they see my blog as the perfect space to peddle their wares, but the joke's on them!  I don't get a paycheck!  Duh.

Anyway, I thought I'd share some of the gems I have found while cleaning up the spam.

First, I found out my blog is listed in Yahoo News, from a lovely Anon who left me this: "Wonderful blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I've been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Appreciate it Here is my weblog; xxxxx"
That's cool.  The specific article in reference: Drunk Mommy.  Not sure that's the kind of news I want to be known for, but hey, I'll take any kind of publicity I can get. **And oh, by the way, I am not listed in Yahoo News.  Fucking liar.

I got a lot of compliments on the design of my blog too.  "Fascinating blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A design like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog shine. Please let me know where you got your design. Cheers. Also visit my weblog xxxxx".  See, I don't buy into this, as spammers are the online equivalent of a guy at a bar... they try to woo you with compliments and drinks until your panties drop off and you click their virus-laden link.  But I did get a couple of these remarks, so thanks!  And yes, I designed this dress myself ;)

These spammers have gotten smart too.  They know blog owners will delete irrelevant comments immediately, but they are still lazy and don't want to take the time to actually read anything you write.  The solution, this: "Wow that was odd. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn't appear. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say fantastic blog!  Also, visit my blog xxxxx".  It's almost like this one went to college for a couple months. Brilliant little liars.

I also love the foreign comments.  Some of them are in languages I can't read (I'm sure they are all incredibly substantive), but some are some-what understandable.  Like I understand this person thinks I am slightly full of shit, "Thankѕ a bunch for sharing this with all peоple. You reаllу unԁerstand what you're talking about approximately! Bookmarked."

And then there are the spammers who clearly have no concept of reality, making statements about the "great information" I provide, or that they get "valuable knowledge" from my blog.  "I think the admin of this wеb sіte іѕ genuinеly working hard for hіs wеb site, sіnсe here eveгy stuff is quality based informatіon".  Hey, heads up... I blog about mostly crap.  Smelly pencils, poopy diapers, back alley physicians, and snot.  If this is informative to you, you need to go back to community college.

And I got one total bitch. "The verу next time I read a blog, Ηopefully it does not faіl me just as muсh as this ρartіculaг one. After all, I know it waѕ mу choice to read, nonethеlеss I gеnuіnely bеlieved yоu'd have something useful to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something you can fix if you weren't too busy seeking attеntion.  Review my website xxxxx (short term loan site)".  Something I could fix with a short term loan, right. Of Course!!  If spamming blogs with niceties doesn't work, you should try sprinkling in some insults.  Reverse psychology.  Brilliant. 

I love it when spammers let you know how they found your site, you know, so you can use that information in your targeting and marketing, n' stuff.  "I saw your blog while searching on http://www.3monkeysandamartini.com/.  Do you know of a few information on how to get indexed in http://www.3monkeysandamartini.com/? I've really been intending to for quite a while but I never seem to make it happen. Appreciate it.  View my blog xxxx".  See, you are absolutely right, you did find my blog while searching my blog.  And I have no idea how you'd get indexed on my blog, since it is a fucking blog!!!

And my all-time favorite!  A spam comment about avoiding spam comments!  Tricksey little Hobbit ;) "Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can advise? I get so much lately it's driving me crazy so any assistance is very much appreciated.  Also visit my web blog xxxxx".

I am going to leave all spam remarks that are received on this blog post remain in tact because I know that you, the three people who actually read this blog, will appreciate the irony. Also, because I am going to say right here, if you spam my blog you are going to get hit with the fiery fist of pain, and your dog will run away, and your wife will cheat on you with a dealer at an online casino. In other words, you're a loser.

Spam at your own risk.